Dear Mum, There isn't a day that goes by that your not missed. But mum I have to say things have changed for the better. I reach out, and not turned away. I am not sure if I been forgiven. But that will come in time. Yes I was angry that your not here. But mum, I understand that you did the best for all of us. Sadly my temper got in the way. I was hurting, but I think now I am at peace. Things had to change. I didn't realise that I was hurting still. You know me that I Dont let my feelings out till I burst. That's got to stop now. I got to be the old Jason and make everyone proud of me. I chose a different road and following it. Today I went to church again for Thanks and forgiveness. I have to say that this has taught me new things and things I still learning. At the end of the day I am hoping things will be more positive now. Britterness is never good all it does is cause pain.

Dear Mum There is not a day that passes that I miss you, Mum. My life has gone through some changes, and I have become less confident in myself. I am still alone and have no one to cuddle or settle down with. I lost everything the day that you left. I know in my heart that you wanted to die. I have to say mum you kept the family together. I no longer speak to any other family members now. I pushed everyone away. I know now that Dad was as an asshole and stopped you from doing many things because he was a jealous man. I also know that my heart is broken and will never mend. I am truly thinking that I did wrong in my life and lost everything. I miss you, Mum. I have not visited your grave for many months this was because I was angry that you left me on my own. I feel so stupid, that I did not allow myself to listen to your words when you said you were in pain and wanted to go. I saw ken the other week and he was still complaining that he hates T and Matthew, I do not believe him as when I was at the solicitors that day when Ken called me all sorts of nasty things. I walked away from that day and never looked back I am glad they are out of my life. Noah is doing great and is a credit to us all; I don’t see him much these days because of the pain it gives me when I see him. I feel guilty that I let him down and feel so strongly that I am not his real dad and I know one day I will have to tell him about it and then they won’t want me either. I feel so alone now I don’t have anyone in my life, yes of course there is someone I like but she is not interested in me. Maybe this is my punishment for not being there for you and making sure I stepped in and was more understanding. I think I will be on my own now for life. I now know what I must do, my life is not worth it anymore. I hope that when I do my plan I will find you again and be that little boy with all the confidence in the world. I wish my life would come to an end and I will be with you once again. Please forgive me for what I am planning. I am so sorry I was not the strong one. It is my time to go and please remember once I am gone don’t be sad. I don’t want to carry on being lonely anymore. Love Jason

I am not making anything, I think this will be a war started. It wont stop till one of us is dead.

I am not going to say anything I am willing to give an olive branch to all the family and Mum you know the truth I don't need to make up stories or try to say Hurtful things I miss you and my family.

Hi Mum, I can’t believe how fast time is going, even though Dad and myself visit your grave regularly it’s still so hard not being able to talk to you ( this is rubbish Matthew just trying to make himself feel better, life is hard Dad and myself are finding it difficult because unfortunately your death has broken our family although this didn’t need to happen (this happen because of jealous from Matt), I know that Dad and you had fears that I could of been the reason this might of happened to our once lovely family, which really hurts because I only ever showed love to you both and we use to chat all the time and I don’t understand where these ideas came from, nothing changed even after Tamara entered my life, Dad and you were still my first thought, I never showed off with houses ( I never show off about my house and work bloody hard to get what I had.), expensive cars ( I did not show off) or taking the in-laws on holiday ( Matthew spend time with his in Laws I was made to feel bad about talking to them), I respected your faith and understood that you had no money and I never took or asked for money or expected you to give me handouts mainly because you taught me, to stand on my own two feet, and you instilled in me only to have/buy what you can afford, do not live above your means, I miss the good times Mum, I miss the bad times because we stuck together as a family and it made us a stronger family and because nobody has good times 100% of the time. We both know what Dad and myself did for you, Dad was brilliant and very supportive and loving for you, of course I will always think what more could I have done but the doctors and specialists at the hospital told us all that you body had given up the fight and nothing we could of done would of prevented this, maybe we could of prolonged your life for a few more months if the treatments were given to you earlier but the end result would of been the same, when you told us a couple of years earlier you were dying I just didn’t want to believe you because I wasn’t ready to lose my Mum, unfortunately Mum I have lost more than you, Jason has gone and also taking Noah from us, he has said lots of hurtful things and I don’t think even you could forgive Mum for his current behaviour, he acts like he is the only one suffering and he has to suffer alone but he had two people here that was willing to share the pain with him but he turned his back on us Mum, it’s such a shame because we were so close and now he has lost a brother who always showed love and support to him, I am so sorry Mum I tried to keep our family together I just wanted him to get help and have someone to talk to because he got so distant, Dad wasn’t ashamed to ask and get help with the grief of losing the love of his life, I felt proud of Dad and I know that you would of been proud too, it takes a lot to ask for help especially as Dad’s are meant to be so strong and not show weakness with there emotions, We still love you and you are constantly in our hearts, I just want to say that Matthew is trying to lose the guit that he has because he knows in the last few years of you life he made your life hell. By taking food out of the oven to cook this girlfriend's tea. Also having a row over their marriage which you were against happening did happen. I am sorry to put this because Matthew put this on to bad mouth me.

Hi Mum. I am missing you loads. The family is broken. I am no longer with Laura. Also, Matthew and I do not talk anymore. Your death killed the Court family. Matthew puts all these things but sadly it was too late. The thing when you were alive he took actions against you. I miss you so much. I promise you Mum I will write to you and keep you updated. The thing I have learnt is that you were the one who kept the family together. Matthew may put things on here but please remember I was you loyal son. I love you to the moon and back.

Happy Birthday Elwyn, Happy Birthday Mum You are always in our hearts and thoughts we miss you so much just wish we could say these words to you in person you are never forgotten we talk about you to keep our and you alive in our memories x

Hi Mum, I can’t believe how fast time is going, even though Dad and myself visit your grave regularly it’s still so hard not being able to talk to you, life is hard Dad and myself are finding it difficult because unfortunately your death has broken our family although this didn’t need to happen, I know that Dad and you had fears that I could of been the reason this might of happened to our once lovely family, which really hurts because I only ever showed love to you both and we use to chat all the time and I don’t understand where these ideas came from, nothing changed even after Tamara entered my life, Dad and you were still my first thought, I never showed off with houses , expensive cars or taking the in-laws on holiday, I respected your faith and understood that you had no money and I never took or asked for money or expected you to give me handouts mainly because you taught me, to stand on my own two feet, and you instilled in me only to have/buy what you can afford, do not live above your means, I miss the good times Mum, I miss the bad times because we stuck together as a family and it made us a stronger family and because nobody has good times 100% of the time. We both know what Dad and myself did for you, Dad was brilliant and very supportive and loving for you, of course I will always think what more could I have done but the doctors and specialists at the hospital told us all that you body had given up the fight and nothing we could of done would of prevented this, maybe we could of prolonged your life for a few more months if the treatments were given to you earlier but the end result would of been the same, when you told us a couple of years earlier you were dying I just didn’t want to believe you because I wasn’t ready to lose my Mum, unfortunately Mum I have lost more than you, Jason has gone and also taking Noah from us, he has said lots of hurtful things and I don’t think even you could forgive Mum for his current behaviour, he acts like he is the only one suffering and he has to suffer alone but he had two people here that was willing to share the pain with him but he turned his back on us Mum, it’s such a shame because we were so close and now he has lost a brother who always showed love and support to him, I am so sorry Mum I tried to keep our family together I just wanted him to get help and have someone to talk to because he got so distant, Dad wasn’t ashamed to ask and get help with the grief of losing the love of his life, I felt proud of Dad and I know that you would of been proud too, it takes a lot to ask for help especially as Dad’s are meant to be so strong and not show weakness with there emotions, We still love you and you are constantly in our hearts, Love you Mum

Hi Mum, Dad and myself have been deeply shocked at the levels someone would take to destroy the lovely flowers we left at your grave, it’s a shame because you didn’t deserve this and I don’t understand why either because it’s just a very nasty act and to leave your grave littered with vile cigarettes was also disgusting. We are both so sorry for you Mum, but we both just want you to know that we love you so much and you are always in our thoughts and this act will not stop us visiting you and showing our love for you. Love always from your husband Ken and your Son Matt.

We miss you mum and it’s a shame that certain people don’t understand that grief is in different forms, but I know that I did everything that was humanly possible but the illness that you had was not cure able and if we could of done anything to give you more time with us we would of done it.

Good Morning Mum. I have some sad news to report to you today. The wheel chair which we got you, Matthew wants me to sale it. I am so angry with Matt. I had enough of the pain and really cannot see the light without you. I love you so much. I never forget you. The pain is really bad. I sadly can not cope with out you. I feel so sad. I feel that i am the only one keeping youe memories a live. Yesterday i had Hospital for my operation. I am so sad and cannot seem to pull myself together. Mum why did you have to leave us. I hate the fact that you gone. I so wish it was not you that went. I am broken and cannot cope without you. I miss you so much. I am so sad. I feel that live will never be the same. You died and never saw your grand son grow up. It affects me so much. I hate the fact this happen. Live is so hard to carry on. I hate that you left us. I know you in a lot of pain. Your body gave up and I couldnt do anything to save you. I am so sorry I couldnt save you. Mum the church people havetaken dad and that all he cares about. I cannot even go into the house any more. Its not my place to entre anymore. I am so sorry I let you down. I miss you so much. I just wish that i could turn back and do more. I wish i could have saved you. I need saving now mum and i have no one to save me. I just wish there was someone who could take my pain and touch and cuddle me. Mum its so sad that your gone. I love you so much. I feel that Matt and T are glad that your gone. They got there wish and i hate it. I just wish i could do something to take the pain. I feel like driving away and jumping in the sea. There no way of saving me now. I wish i could just gone with you. I hate that I got no one in the world now. I give up. I am thinking ending the pain. I was going to do it today. I chicken out. But i am going to be doing it soon.

Mum, We sadly put you to rest yesterday. It was an amazing day. I love you so much. I hope that you could hear and see me. I love you with all my heart. I had some flowers one with MUM and Noah had a pillow as he said you were sleeping now. I am scared mum that i can not cope without you. You were my rock and always knew what to say to me. I love you and you are sadly missed. I know mum that i must carry on for a short time. I got to think of my boy. It sad knowing i wont see you again. I wish i could belive that one day we both be together again. I hope when your in heaven that you find Nan and grandads. Looking down on us. Please mum dont forget that i love you with all my heart. I am so sorry that i didnt talk much in the last few weeks of your life. I was sorting things for my health as well as trying to be strong. I knew the day was coming when you would die. I was so hurt and lost. I wish I could hug you and kiss. Love you mum. Jason xxxx

It has been a privilege to set up this memorial to Elwyn. We hope that everyone finds it a comfort, to have a place for family and friends to share their condolences and memories for the loss of a loved one.