Hi Mum, I can’t believe how fast time is going, even though Dad and myself visit your grave regularly it’s still so hard not being able to talk to you ( this is rubbish Matthew just trying to make himself feel better, life is hard Dad and myself are finding it difficult because unfortunately your death has broken our family although this didn’t need to happen (this happen because of jealous from Matt), I know that Dad and you had fears that I could of been the reason this might of happened to our once lovely family, which really hurts because I only ever showed love to you both and we use to chat all the time and I don’t understand where these ideas came from, nothing changed even after Tamara entered my life, Dad and you were still my first thought, I never showed off with houses ( I never show off about my house and work bloody hard to get what I had.), expensive cars ( I did not show off) or taking the in-laws on holiday ( Matthew spend time with his in Laws I was made to feel bad about talking to them), I respected your faith and understood that you had no money and I never took or asked for money or expected you to give me handouts mainly because you taught me, to stand on my own two feet, and you instilled in me only to have/buy what you can afford, do not live above your means, I miss the good times Mum, I miss the bad times because we stuck together as a family and it made us a stronger family and because nobody has good times 100% of the time. We both know what Dad and myself did for you, Dad was brilliant and very supportive and loving for you, of course I will always think what more could I have done but the doctors and specialists at the hospital told us all that you body had given up the fight and nothing we could of done would of prevented this, maybe we could of prolonged your life for a few more months if the treatments were given to you earlier but the end result would of been the same, when you told us a couple of years earlier you were dying I just didn’t want to believe you because I wasn’t ready to lose my Mum, unfortunately Mum I have lost more than you, Jason has gone and also taking Noah from us, he has said lots of hurtful things and I don’t think even you could forgive Mum for his current behaviour, he acts like he is the only one suffering and he has to suffer alone but he had two people here that was willing to share the pain with him but he turned his back on us Mum, it’s such a shame because we were so close and now he has lost a brother who always showed love and support to him, I am so sorry Mum I tried to keep our family together I just wanted him to get help and have someone to talk to because he got so distant, Dad wasn’t ashamed to ask and get help with the grief of losing the love of his life, I felt proud of Dad and I know that you would of been proud too, it takes a lot to ask for help especially as Dad’s are meant to be so strong and not show weakness with there emotions, We still love you and you are constantly in our hearts, I just want to say that Matthew is trying to lose the guit that he has because he knows in the last few years of you life he made your life hell. By taking food out of the oven to cook this girlfriend's tea. Also having a row over their marriage which you were against happening did happen. I am sorry to put this because Matthew put this on to bad mouth me.